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OOPS! MAN DIES WHEN PROJECTILE CASHEW PENETRATES SKULL. YESTERDAY AT BILLIONAIRE' LEX LUTHOR'S ANNUAL REPORTER BANQUET A SCENE THAT WAS HEROIC FOR MANY TURNED INTO SUDDEN TRAGEDY. LOCAL CUB REPORTER CLARK KENT FOR THE DAILY PLANET PERFORMED THE HEIMLICH MANUEVER ON A CHOKING LUTHOR. " IT WAS THE ODDEST THING," ONE ONLOOKER CLAIMS "ALL DURING THE ENTIRE PARTY THOSE TWO GUYS JUST KEPT GOING AT IT, I WONDERED WHY HE INVITED KENT SINCE KENT DID ALL THAT NEGATIVE STUFF ON HIM, HECK I WONDERED WHY HE INVITED ANY OF US, WE ALL KINDA BASH THE GUY GIVEN THE CHANCE. HE'S A PUNCHING BAG DOWN IN THE BULLROOM WHEN IT'S A SLOW NEWS DAY." THE ARGUEMENT SEEMED TO START WHEN LEX ACCUSED KENT OF "SNOOPING" AROUND HIS BUILDING DURING AN ENDLESS KEY NOTE SPEECH BY LEX'S DRY CLEANER. THE FIGHT WAS INTERRUPTED AFTER LUTHOR POPPED A CASHEW IN HIS MOUTH LAUGHING AND PROCLAIMING YOU'VE GOT NOTHING ON ME. HE THEN BEGAN TO CHOKE... KENT IMMEDIATELY SPRANG INTO ACTION JUMPING UP TO ADMINISTER THE HEIMLICH MANUEVER. "WELL WE WERE ALL WAITING FOR IT YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN YOU SEE IT ON TV, THE PAYOFF IS SEEING THE FOOD SPRING FORTH, BUT NOTHING." AS THE CROWD LOOKED AROUND FOR THE COMEDIC VALUE, THEY WERE HALTED BY THE SCREAM OF A WOMAN IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM...HE'S DEAD SHE YELLED, HE'S DEAD ! BERNIE SHOMAC OF THE SUNDAY PARADE LAY LIFELESS. LUTHOR WAS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL TO SEE TO SEVERAL BROKEN RIBS AND A PUNCTURED LUNG. WITNESSES SAY HE WAS LAUGHING DELERIOUSLY REPEATING EVIL WINS, EVIL WINS. BERNIE SHOMAC A LIFE IN PHOTOS WILL APPEAR IN THIS SUNDAY'S PARADE AND SERVICES WILL BE POSTED IN TOMORROWS LIFESTYLE SECTION. ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED STORY SUPERMAN WAS SEEN WEEPING AT THE BUS STATION. |